Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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