o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
