Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
