But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
