worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
