I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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