I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
