he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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