So drunk its hurt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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