They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
