My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
