Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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