Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
