I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
