Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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