Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
