and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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