Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish they made helmets for livers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
