omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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