I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
