I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
