Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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