They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
