I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
