We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
