Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
