I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
