my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
