i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
