I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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