Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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