Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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