suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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