i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
