What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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