look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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