no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
