Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
