just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
