Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
