Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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