Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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