btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
