I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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