My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
