I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
