wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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