i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like eating out sand paper
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
