i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
