i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
