Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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