Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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