I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
