I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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