please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
did i just pee glitter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
